In Rapid Pursuit

What is it that makes us so quick to solve others’ problems and so slow to solve our own?

I have been thinking about that a lot lately.  I always have suggestions for other people.  I always see the situation pretty clearly and can offer some advice, maybe even have a little wisdom.

It’s not that easy for my own problems.  Emotions are involved.  Feelings are there.  It’s a little more messy.

I think things would be a lot different if we could view our lives as an outsider, removed from the emotions and stresses that weigh us down.  I have been trying to do that lately, to breathe, take a minute, be a little more deliberative. 

I’m not that good at it.

I haven’t done this in a while, but there is a lot on my mind.  Today, no one really reads it, so I am going to dump!  The bullet points are for Brody!

• I haven’t had my full staff since before Christmas.  It’s been crazy, but a blessing.
• Speaking of Brody, he turned 30 yesterday.  Go wish him a late “Happy Birthday!”  The 30’s are awesome!!
• I had fun with friends last night, but Valentine’s Day still sucks if you are single.
• This woman and this woman amaze me.  Great moms rock, but they inspire be to be so much more!  They are so much more!!
• I got a letter from Dante, the child I sponsor through Compassion International.  I hope he is doing OK.  It breaks my heart to think that he might not be.  It makes me want to sponsor more kids.
• I have been praying about God’s plan for my life a lot lately.  I wonder if that includes children.
• Still not at church.  It is still weird.  I hope it is not like this forever.  The funny thing is, as much as I miss it, I don’t feel very missed.  My head knows I am, but my heart doesn’t feel it.
• Clarity is so important in communication.  For that matter, communication is important.  That sounds simple, but sometimes it is the hardest thing ever.
• I need to be better at setting boundaries.

This post was heavy.  I didn’t really expect that, but I guess it reflects where I have been lately.  I am ready to move out of this place!!!

Worth is a tricky thing.

Why is it that I look to others to remind me of who I am and what I have to offer?

Why is it that I need constant reassurance of the talents I have?

Why is it that I continually need validation?

Why can’t I remember that I am perfect and whole in Christ?

Expectations are a might thing.  It seems like we all have our own set, but they are all different.

I think one of the things I am learning is that my expectations aren’t usually met.  I don’t know if I set them too high, but it lead to a ton of disappointment.

I am trying to approach relationships in a new way.  I am trying to remember that, instead of expecting things, everything I get is a bonus.  If I can go in with little to no expectations, I am always pleasantly surprised.

So far, in all honesty, I am failing miserably.  I am a work in progress.  What can I say?

So, I’m not back at church yet.  I have been really praying about that, but it just doesn’t feel right.

Today, however, I participated in the web campus at NewSpring Church and I led worship on the final day of a youth conference that I have helped with this weekend.  I have more questions than answers, though.

First, let’s talk about the web campus.  That was amazing in so many ways, but I must admit that it is a little weird.  I don’t know that I engaged in the worship as I would if it were live.  That was me, though.  I am more interested in about how they pull off the worship music. . . who sings, how is it arranged, the transitions, etc.  I am not sure that it will ever feel right for me to engage in the worship music via video.  However, the community was definitely there.  It was so cool to be “in church” with 350 people from 8 different countries.  People were talking and interacting.  Someone even got saved.  I LOVE that they embrace the technology and try new and unique ways to reach people that may not ever come to church.  For me, it worked!  What are your thoughts?

Then there is the youth conference.  There was definitely a power in the room this weekend.  I have never really been involved in anything where there were so many young men and women who were serious about giving their lives to God.  They were serious about serving others.  And, they were serious about praying for each other.  It was the first time I have been with 100 teenagers and not felt any clicks or groups.  That amazed me.

Tonight, however, they talked about the baptism of the Holy Spirit and speaking in tongues.  I HAVE QUESTIONS!!

So, what do you think?  Do you believe in it, first?  Do you believe that it is necessary?  Are you afraid of it?  I’m not really afraid of it and am definitely open to it, but to me, it represents all that I know as bad about Christianity.  It wreaks of bad televangelists begging for money.  It seems to say that someone who speaks in tongues is more anointed by Christ.  It appears to be one more way that we separate ourselves from people who are seeking.

It’s hard to erase the weird thoughts that you have had for so long.  It’s hard to believe in things that are different.  Tonight, however, I am thankful for all of those kids.  I am thankful for all of the hands they placed on me.  I am thankful for all of the prayers they spoke for me.  I am thankful for the love and kindness they showed me.

How many times have I heard that communication is “the key?”

The key to what?

I am learning that the answer is, to everything!

I don’t exactly know what more needs to be said about that.  

I am learning that the lack of communication is death to a relationship.  I am learning that face-to-face interaction with people is so important.  I am learning that most people do not accurately represent a situation that you are not directly involved in.  I am learning that, if I have doubts, it is best to ask about them.

As much as I like to talk, I am learning that I need to do it a little more.

Disappointment is never easy.  But, it is unavoidable.

I am learning, though.

I am learning not to put people on a pedestal.  I am learning that no one is perfect.  I am learning that I am definitely not perfect.  I am learning that, if God’s grace is perfect and new every morning, mine should be as well.

I need to be more understanding.  I need to be a better friend.  I need to forgive more easily.  I need to love more deeply.

I have a long way to go.  I have a lot more to learn.

Today was another Sunday without church.  It has pretty much been this way since Thanksgiving, with the exception of singing at 3 Christmas Eve services.  I didn’t listen to the message, though, so does that really count?

I am trying to process how it feels to be “free” on a Sunday.  I want to say good, but it just feels weird.

Church was such a huge part of my life for the last 5 years.  It just seems weird to be disconnected.  I walked in their tonight to hear a friend of mine speak.  It felt so uncomfortable and weird.

I did, however, start to watch the beta test of the web campus at NewSpring.  It left me with some thoughts.

First, I freaking love that church’s worship.  The girl who sang tonight probably blew the paint off the walls.  She is amazing.  I love how they appear to work together as a team.  They switch things up, and they all seem to be engaged.  BONUS!

Second, I am questioning how connected I will feel if this is the only church service I “attend.”  I don’t know.  It will be an interesting journey to be on.

The last thought that I am left with tonight is the fact that, now more than ever, I am sure that God has huge plans for my life.  I am going to try to experience every moment of that and not live in the past or the future!!!

At work, that is.

My only full-time employee had a baby this weekend.  He is too cute, by the way!  I am not the typical “i want to hold your newborn baby” kinda girl, but I couldn’t resist.

I digress!

Then, my hygienist that works 3 days a week has not worked since before Christmas because of a back injury.

So, that leaves me and a hygienist that works 1 day a week.

Luckily, I have found someone to fill-in on a limited basis for both of my employees.  But, I am busting my butt!!  They aren’t trained on the computer so I am doing all of the check-in/out of patients.  I am also handling all of the billing, lab work, cleaning, you know. . . . all that stuff that I take for granted that it gets done.

I miss them, but I love being busy!  Have I said that I love my job?  I DO!!

The snow today was a blessing.  I wanted to watch history in the making.  I am doing just that, in my jammies!

Are you watching?  Thoughts?